Thursday, September 10, 2009

Return with gladness Good for Evil done.



Following is a Gujarati stanza, which the Mahatma made an ideal. It is too highly moral and needs the greatest of ethics and conscience to actually practice. But isn't that what should be inspiring for us to actually take up the challenge, to be those few mortals who can indeed go on to return Good for Evil done to us.

Today love has been superseded by hatred and beauty has been supplanted by hideousness.

We don't hesitate to kill, cheat, usurp that which is not ours, hurt, be callous to those around us who need help; we are haughty and admonish a person for a mistake of theirs, a mistake we very well know we could also commit, or were fortunate enough to not be part of.

We cant forgive. We cant stand a glaring eye that may hurt our self-indulgent ego. We are tenacious even when we know we are wrong; We don't want to change or give up, for it was someone else who pointed out our mistake and it would belittle our ego if we relinquish our claim of having never done anything wrong! We cant apologize.


Though we don't know ourselves well enough to get life going on smoothly, we are armed with enough cliche and tedious detail of the philosophy of right and wrong, of logistics and prudence, to take up the role of an uncalled Sophist; another fallout of our all powerful ego.


We don't learn from history or from our mistakes, well one has got to first admit that he ever went wrong to ever be capable of learning from it!

We cant understand love. We often weigh the benefits or the losses that come with a relationship. We call that which is least cumbersome and most convenient as a successful relationship. Love once was, when we could stand by some one whom we loved, for the person they were and when we could believe that our love would eventually make them the person of our dreams, when we knew their strength and weakness and worked to build them on their strengths. 

There was a time when people lived by their words! When one would not mind forfeiting even his life for the sake of his word. It was easier to erase oneself than to forget one's promise. But now we can vacillate from our words, can betray another and live like nothing even slightly aberrant happened. Conscience to us means conceit.

We can never help another, for all we need is to satiate ourselves with the sordid pleasures that please us. We can, if we need to have something that is important to us, even destroy our most loved one for it. Ever wondered how parents go without food for their children if in a given day food was not sufficient at home; hunger being the most intolerable and quintessential need of man? We are too busy to take time to think or know who we are or what we really want from life. We are so much in a hurry, to keep up with the pace of the futile standards of today's lifestyle, that we measure our happiness and success on our materialistic possessions and the ignoble desire to be visible or admired in the hopeless crowd. If the desire to possess endlessly was not bad enough, we are manipulative enough to portray an ostensible misery and conceal when our possessions need to be shared and obtrusively flaunt them if in excess.


We do not believe that life ends. When others die, we call it fate. We go on accumulating, trying to have only the best even if it means to get rid of people who were reasons for us reaching the pedestal we scaled. 

We consider humans the most significant of all life and can be haughty enough to kill every other life form indiscriminately, which to our 'superior' intellect mean only commodities. We don't feel kindness towards other animals and their lives, and can be derisive and conceited when taking their lives or treating them with disgust. 

We are in a rush to be the 'best'. Best in the eyes of everyone else. We can go any extent to be the best, to have our name amongst achievers of high order, it does not matter if we are best by our own efforts or through manipulation and deceit or even fortuity. We can easily own that which we did not work for and even be proud of it. We no longer believe in earning our bread, we just need bread to live, even if it means to snatch it from the mouths of another or have someone else make it for us. 

Nevertheless there is hope. We can change. For the better. If in our struggle to better ourselves however, if we lose humility, we cannot stand another person who seemingly has a few characteristics we even supposedly 'corrected' in ourselves a while ago! Let that not be the case. True enlightenment is only when we can be an example from what we have been shown and not just being a novice philosopher with no real constraints on our emotions or senses. Equanimity is the highest moral ground a man can have post enlightenment, but let it not be confused with stodginess or cowardice!

Lets start everyday like it gave us a new opportunity to be a better human being than that we were a day ago! Until then, when we can make the desire to be good and do good dangerously contagious!


And the day when we all feel that we can return with gladness Good for Evil done, there wont be any evil left to be done!

So the stanza finally...

For a bowl of water give a goodly meal;
For a kindly greeting bow thou down with zeal;
For a simple penny pay thou back with gold;
If thy life be rescued, life do not withhold.
Thus the words and actions of the wise regard;
Every little service tenfold they reward.
But the truly noble know all men as one,
And return with gladness good for evil done.


-Jesh
10 Sep 2009

Friday, September 4, 2009

From the diary entries of 2006-07 - Failure, death and then life

[ Written : Sept 2006 & 2007 , From the diary entries ]

I have lived the lesser life to the extent that i need to figure out if I am visible to the cosmos. Having known but never realized... having seen but never comprehended... I  have but failed...


I failed...in pursuit of the divine I saw the hideous... I always assumed to be strong. Until I could see myself failing... Everything was too big...too frivolous... esoteric at some instant... I stood just as a loser would... they laughed at me... they said I had hardly seen anything... I stood there searching for the eyes that could succinctly express a word of empathy.


I could find none...

The world I walked was docile with congenial interests but was nevertheless ready to bring down an antithesis. They could overtly display their conceit but were cynical to others. But their frivolity somehow managed to make them obsequious... they all could follow the path of factitious expression..In fact only an inane motive brought them together.



But my failure lay not in my inability to understand but in having an obnoxious lack of confidence to counter that which I knew. I was fretful...often sulky… And never accountable... I thought time could help me build but their satire often limited time's influence. What had happened to my strength? I wondered.
               






                                 I had acquiesced...had submitted my self to a fervent desire... to be loved. Until I realized love was hard to find as a desire...but abundant if one could lent... And this I think is the right way out...!
It might not yet provide the acumen to overpower but at least it gives the confidence to move ahead...


I need to find myself...having lost in the pursuit....to define what divine now stood for....strength is now easy to find...For the Quest has begun... Time is racing away but at least it matters now to be not lost in time !
                                                                                                                             -2006


Life later transformed. I saw death… knew not what it meant… Then traversed…blindly… Didn’t know what lay ahead… didn’t know what lay beside… It was multifarious, the journey. The pursuit had turned ugly. There was no me… I had been completely lost… consumed by life… I saw that which one ought not, I did what one ought not.


But then could I be alone ... There was respite to come.
Yes I did love this journey... I did love this place... yes I did love this Life...
                                                                                         -2007                                                       
-Jesh
2006-07

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

From the diary entries of 2002 - Glimpse

[Written : 2002 , From the diary entries ]




Life I guess needs nothing more than an occasional glimpse of the person you love more than you love yourself.

Truly I had felt years having passed by before I could get that ultimate vision, for I had indeed gone through the penance for it. I know not what lies ahead. I don’t understand why and how; all I know is my devotion is true for the goddess who made my life worth living, of course not without tenebrous isolations.



I am alive.
Living with the power that each glimpse gave me. I believe two hearts that beat together are not severable…

Tagore once wrote, “When with night the child of want lies down, dirty and hungry, in his squalid home, and hears of prince and princess and fabled gold, his mind springs free from her bonds of poverty and misery, and walks in fresh beauty and glowing raiment, strong beyond all fear of hinderance, through the fairy realm where all is possible.’’

I live in such a world, transformed, as I move in spirit amid my songs, fearless, ever so feeling the presence of the goddess whom I love so much.


Because all I ever wanted is to discover the real meaning of life by looking into those eyes…
-Jesh

2002

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Real fights



[The following writing is from the diaries of a philosopher-friend-guide. Written during times of excruciating experiences, the writing is a testimonial to the man who grew to become a bearer of truth himself. As a tribute to our everlasting friendship, find below the article christened "The Real fights" ]



"We start always with fear... Fear of losing may be!!! But Start we must.. And in the life that we endure (Some have the luxury of living!) we have the luxury of making choices. Today I write as I summon my deepest self, my conscience, in the wake of a triumphant past and an uncertain future. Still holding firm to the things I hold dear, to the ones I love, while the inertia of my life plunging me ahead.

These are the "Real" fights... When you have to choose between love and giving up. When you have to choose between losing and giving up. Nobody is great. We only meet great challenges and live up to them. I've had my share...

I have loved till my brain reeled. Consumed by the dread of losing I ve cried... And an overwhelming sense of loss prevails today in me. God, perhaps has a reason. I probably could surrender to that thought. But I guess God does'nt owe me an explanation. What when a child is raped? What when a dying parent is met with utter contempt from their children and relegated to the confines of an old age home? What when a child is abandoned by his mother?

But I never failed to love...Never. We can love in that we are infinite. The more we love the greater we are! Its when you see a dog running as fast as he could just so that he didnt lose you that you come to understand... Its all I know or understand of life. Its what brings tears. A most beautiful expression of love!!!

These are the greatest lessons you would learn. When you learn to love,when you learn to forgive. This the highest plane.... Your intention of being good.
Well thats been my life,and this is going to be.....

The most fascinating animal in the world is- A brave man with no plan....
This is what I intend to be... I wish I could be in the wild and understand God's chimerical plans. Why should I have a purpose? I don't think God had one in making us... May be he had choice. Purpose I dont think... I would like to understand the way he made us and probably come to appreciate it. But come to think of it God is everyone's favorite pet!!! Me? I guess I have'nt made up my mind yet... I wish I had that field of infinite intelligence to comprehend. May be then I would'nt be as interested...

But this is what can be made most of life. Spending quality time with friends, finding someone whom you want to live with the rest of your life and holding on to her forever... 

Making a life and then giving it your all. "

-Rosh
[Roshan Dash]
22 Dec 2008

Thursday, August 20, 2009

From the diary entries of 2002 - The trivial Man

[Written: 2002, Picked from the diary entries ]


It seems if you have money, are prosperous, have good health, and all that which you most sought after, you shall be happy.

 
Should I then infer that the wise saint never knew happiness?! That Buddha was an imbecile to give up his kingdom because he could not stand an other's pain; that Gandhi was insane to have walked half naked just because more than half his country men were so poorly clad?

 
Greatness comes from within, just as happiness does. He who finds eternal happiness is great, for he is not stimulated by what the world so intensely is amused by.

 
We are so trivial that it doesn’t occur to us if helping an unfortunate one, really gives us happiness or if spending a saving for the delicacies and luxuries that the carnal mind so lusts for. We are stimulated by the stimulating, infatuated by the infatuating, and tempted by the tempting.

 
I shall with the greatest of gratitude thank God for the wisdom he gave me through my experiences; no, I am not complacent, I am no where near perfection, for I am only experimenting with truth. But I feel I have the ability to examine both sides of a coin with care, and hence regret the least. Should I by any reason be the most ridiculed, the poorest in terms of this worldly possession, I shall still find happiness and marvel at man who exchanges heaven for earth.

 
I despise the blessings of this world. It is all worthless, fleeting, illusory, and deceptive, like the mirage. To quote Anton Chekhov:

 
'You may be proud, wise, and fine, but death will wipe you off the face of the earth as though you were no more than mice burrowing under the floor, and your posterity, your history, your immortal geniuses will burn or freeze together with the earthly globe.

 
Man has lost reason and taken the wrong path. He has taken lies for truth, and hideousness for beauty. You would marvel if, owing to strange events of some sorts, frogs and lizards suddenly grew on apple and orange trees instead of fruit, or if roses began to smell like sweating horse.'


 
I hence don’t want to understand man...


-Jesh

2002


Monday, August 17, 2009

From the diary entries of 2003 - God and a Man's pain

[ Written 2003; From the diary entries ]

Man, so finite, so trivial, so inappreciable, yet so encompassing.

God, you are great. For you made man so finite, yet made him one that could think. You made him find eternal happiness in his greatest despair. You are great for you gave him pain. Pain, that feeling, that suffering which makes man rediscover himself, that which gets him to speak to his conscience.

I know that to you everything is but equal. I understand that to you the Universe should be governed in accordance to certain laws, designed by your all-powerful mind, and that man is nothing but one speck of that infinite creativity of yours. But I realize you love all that exists and hence you shall bring the best; too hard for a creature of finite intelligence to ever comprehend.

But I stay unanswered. The ever-increasing labefaction of life continues…


In spite of understanding the fleeting man, I am forced, compelled to return to poverty, poverty of the mind, ignorance of reality, to the daily chores of dissatisfaction, to the trivial thoughts of mankind, to the unfaithful relationships, to the entangled so-called commitments; save my understanding I beg.

Back to pain, how shall I ever thank you for my sufferings, for they have made me strong? I though live in this world, seeming so ordinary, never being understood, never being heard, but growing every step amid my experiments with truth…


-Jesh

2003


From the diary entries of 2003 – Love

[ Written 2003 - From the diary entries ]



Leo Tolstoy once wrote, “All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”

I shall with my most conscientious frame of mind agree to this statement. Love: the ever so pure, so infinite, so profound, so powerful and yet the most misinterpreted.

Today life is so labefactioned; every aspect of reality, of truth, is misinterpreted, often resulting in ignorance. Love is the essence of life.

Man is no more but a slave of his senses, his carnal desires, that to the ordinary, love is no more than a sex related emotion that satisfies every lust.

So strong is true love that it takes nothing more for man to give up his futile life and understand its true essence and thus make it sublime. To me, a person who can love another can face all odds, can live selfless, and can die for an other’s sake. Love encompasses every other human feeling hence.









When you can love a person, find all happiness within him, wish for every happiness of his/hers, you become selfless. It makes you then know the true essence of life and the loved ones therein. And that’s what it takes to love mankind on a universal scale. Love can help you forgive and forget: the two factors that are so essential in today’s world.

I have done just one good thing in my life, to have fallen in love, selflessly.

Love has taught me the way to happiness. I know I have been far from successful in getting back the love I seek but I have grown so strong I can live all my life without ever making her mine, never finding love even in her words; still my love shall never die.

As the hymn says:

Only he
Who is smitten with the arrows of love,
Knows its power.


Yes, I too wish for a life with her, dream about things which we could do together, for I too am human, but my wisdom gives me the courage to withstand any other circumstance otherwise. So powerful is love…

Hence I walk along, grown and strong, in spirit amid my songs, and believe me, I find her every step, every moment, walking beside me; what else could I ask for? Physical reality may expound otherwise, but then my heart beats hard, exclaiming that she is mine…

God! Thank you for getting me smitten with the arrows of love! Thank you for thy sublime wisdom.

-Jesh

2003






My first blog

Hi friends...

This is my first blog here. I like this idea a lot:of being able to write down ones thoughts and even so more, the convenience of reaching out to the whole world without actually publishing your book!

I used to write as a kid. In fact that was when I got the passion for writing. All by my self, amidst my solitude, the only solace I used to find was the diary beside me wherein I could pen down everything from my understanding of the world around me. I must admit I learned most during those days of silent observation of how this world works and how individuals make their space and time out of what they are given.

Today I live a life which is far from satisfying. As a kid I had great faith in the freedom of thought and the strength of what I called 'Truth'. Truth I believed was eternal and like the laws of the universe, though intangible, was still something that never lacked its veracity. It, I thought, still gave us a sense of God and his ways! But, now as an adult I find people who say truth is just a perception.

Having given myself into many such thoughtless advocacies of today, I found myself getting more and more dissolved into the limitless frailties of modern lifestyle.

I take a break now to get back to my pristine self. To find time to think and react rather than just play by the tune of the piper everyday. The next few articles that I publish here are as old as from my writings of the summer of 2003, and some even older!

To start of with what better emotion than the interminable Love!!! Hope to see you guys through this journey of writing and learning! I intend to write extensively, but they would come much later when I am partially done with what I need to say about more human things!

Please excuse the next couple or more articles for their inadequacy or lack of linguistic grandiose; they were written by me a few years ago, still as a school/college going kid! But I would like to post them here as a tribute to my early passion for writing.