[ Written 2003; From the diary entries ]
Man, so finite, so trivial, so inappreciable, yet so encompassing.
God, you are great. For you made man so finite, yet made him one that could think. You made him find eternal happiness in his greatest despair. You are great for you gave him pain. Pain, that feeling, that suffering which makes man rediscover himself, that which gets him to speak to his conscience.
I know that to you everything is but equal. I understand that to you the Universe should be governed in accordance to certain laws, designed by your all-powerful mind, and that man is nothing but one speck of that infinite creativity of yours. But I realize you love all that exists and hence you shall bring the best; too hard for a creature of finite intelligence to ever comprehend.
But I stay unanswered. The ever-increasing labefaction of life continues…
In spite of understanding the fleeting man, I am forced, compelled to return to poverty, poverty of the mind, ignorance of reality, to the daily chores of dissatisfaction, to the trivial thoughts of mankind, to the unfaithful relationships, to the entangled so-called commitments; save my understanding I beg.
Back to pain, how shall I ever thank you for my sufferings, for they have made me strong? I though live in this world, seeming so ordinary, never being understood, never being heard, but growing every step amid my experiments with truth…
-Jesh
2003
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